I Don't Know If You See Me, But I Sure Do See You
by Pantaliamon
Summary: Story of a Southern belle living in her dysfunctional household.


Amanda sat by the riverbank, leaning up against a weeping willow and trying very hard to read a book, but the Virginia heat was unbearable. Amanda slammed the book shut and sighed. Her skirts were heavy and made of silk, which made it even hotter. She was forced to wear three satin petticoats and a bonnet when she had begged to go outside. She looked around, making sure no one was there to see her. No one was around, so she hitched up her skirts leaving her bare legs lying there is the grass. She had dared to take off her shoes. One of the slaves had seen her, but she had threatened to flay him if he told anyone. Then, Amanda ripped off her bonnet and gloves. She scooted closer to the river and dipped her toes inside. The water was kind of warm, but other than that, it was fine. Oh, how I wish I could swim, Amanda thought to herself. "Ho!" A voice said. "Who goes there?" Amanda looked up, scared that her father would lash her good if he caught her like this.  
  
Joseph Stevenson had been watching from behind a bush with his best friend, John Carrington, who was also Amanda's brother. Now, Amanda stood up, her skirts falling to her ankles once more. She seems older now, Joseph thought watching as she stalked over to them. "John!" she called across the thirty or forty feet that separated them. John grabbed Joseph's arm.  
  
"Run for it!" he advised, starting ahead. Joseph took his advice and ran, not wanting to be in Amanda's line of fury.  
  
"She can get awfully worked up if you provoke her enough," John had once said. Joseph believed him and ran faster. He could hear Amanda running after them. He looked behind himself and yelled. Amanda was reaching out with her hand. Within a second, she had a grasp on his shirt and was pulling him back. He tumbled over, taking her with him. She gasped, and clung on for dear life. They ended up in a very awkward position. Joseph had landed on top of Amanda, and a boy was smashing Amanda into the Earth!  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry!" Joseph said, not bothering to get up. Amanda winced.  
  
"Joseph," she breathed. Her voice sounded breathless, and he thought that she might kiss him.  
  
"What?" he whispered, tilting his head in towards her.  
  
"You're suffocating me. Please get off!" she cried. Joseph rolled off. Amanda got up and began brushing dust off her gown. Joseph stood up too. They could both see John walking towards them and grinning.  
  
"Had a bit of a romantic liaison, have you?" he asked Amanda. She blushed and glared at him. Joseph looked down.  
  
"As a matter of fact, Joseph and I have not. We were just discussing the finer points of Ivanhoe, right Joseph?" Amanda asked, turning and smiling sweetly at Joseph.  
  
"What? Oh.yeah.great book!" he exclaimed enthusiastically. John grinned.  
  
"Right," he teased. "And I suppose that's why you were kissing?" Amanda glared at him again.  
  
"John!" she cried. "Please don't tell Father I was out here with my skirts up. You know how awful he gets!" John nodded understandingly.  
  
"Right, Amanda. Just, do me a favor, okay?" Amanda nodded.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Kiss Joseph." Joseph's head flipped up.  
  
"What?" he gaped. John laughed. Amanda frowned.  
  
"He's joking, Joseph. John, don't be so impudent. Mama would be angry if I told her what you've been saying to Anne Daugherty." John gaped at her. Joseph chuckled.  
  
"That's blackmail!" John gasped. Amanda nodded smugly.  
  
"I know it is. Now, vamoose!" Amanda said, waving her arms. John grabbed Joseph by the arm and they stalked away.  
  
Amanda sighed and walked back to riverbank. She took up the book and decided that it might be cooler in the house. Of course, the house would be infested with flies and such sick buzzing pests, but she was used to that. She slapped a mosquito on her arm and entered the house. She immediately felt a change of temperature. It was much cooler in here. She looked around and saw what was happening. Several shipments of ice were being packed into huge wooden crates and covered in sawdust. Amanda suddenly remembered tonight's ball. She grabbed a piece of ice to suck on the way to her bedchamber. She found two men heaving something in her room. "What is that?" she asked, when she saw what it was.  
  
"Statue of David," on of them grunted.  
  
"I know that, but why is it naked and in my room?" she asked, looking at the statue with great distaste. The other man grinned. Amanda recognized him at Jeremiah Colfer. He was thirty eight years old, widowed and had asked for Amanda's hand in marriage four times. Amanda frowned even more in distaste.  
  
"It's a statue of me, Amanda. Isn't it lovely?" he asked, grinning slyly. Amanda sighed.  
  
"Mr. Colfer," she retorted. "I have a hard believing that could be you, since you have such a large amount of fat and this statue doesn't seem to have any!" He glared at her.  
  
"No need to be smart, Amanda." Amanda smirked at him.  
  
"Yes, Mr. Colfer," she mocked him. "Of course." Just then, Mrs. Carrington came into the room.  
  
"Oh! Amanda, love! How do you like it?" she breathed, gesturing toward the statue. Amanda frowned.  
  
"Oh, Mama! It's awful! I want none of it!" she cried, stamping her foot.  
  
"Oh, yes, Mama! She wants none of it!" John had just come around the corner and placed his arms around his mother. She smiled and kissed the side of his face.  
  
"Ooooh! You, Hush up!" Amanda cried, rushing at him with her book in her hand. He ducked.  
  
"Amanda!" Mrs. Carrington was mortified. "Please! Be civilized in front of company!"  
  
"What company?" she pretended confusion and look around. Mr. Colfer scowled. John chuckled. Mrs. Carrington furrowed an eyebrow.  
  
"Take the statue away, please, Jeremiah. We'll place it in the entrance hall." Mrs. Carrington peeled her son's arms of her and led the two men lugging the statue away from Amanda's room. John grinned.  
  
"He flirt with you again?" he asked, speaking of Mr. Colfer. Amanda sighed and collapsed on her bed.  
  
"You have no idea," she said. John frowned.  
  
"He didn't.touch you?" he questioned. Amanda laughed.  
  
"No," she replied. "I would have screamed if he had." John nodded. Even though he didn't act like it, he was very protective of his sister. They were twins, but John was about ten minutes older, and he took this role very seriously.  
  
"You do that, Amanda, if any fellow dares to put a hand on you!" he cautioned. Amanda smiled at him and patted his hand.  
  
"You sound like William," she said. She spoke often of their older brother, William, who was off at college, and immensely serious about his role as oldest son. Since William wasn't at home very often, Amanda missed him more than anybody in the whole house. William had once sneaked her out of the house on one of his Christmas visits and taught Amanda how to shoot a Brown Bess musket.  
  
"Look on the bright side, Sis! William will be here by tonight! He has to be! For his banquet at least!" John said, standing up. "Which reminds me. You'd best get ready for the party. It's almost time. Only about half an hour left. And you silly, beau plotting, friends are here! They're just outside."  
  
"They're not silly! At least they're not immature!" she cried, leaping up and herding John out of her room.  
  
"Right!" he hooted.  
  
"Is he here yet?" Amanda asked impatiently. Her mother sighed.  
  
"Amanda," she warned. "If you don't hush, I will make sure that William doesn't see you until tomorrow morning." Amanda opened her mouth in protest, but a look from John stopped her. She couldn't bear it if she wasn't the first person in William's arms. She sat in the parlor, waiting for William, with her best friend, Mary Henderson. Mary kept fanning herself. Amanda twisted a napkin in her lap. Where could William be? She wondered inside her head.  
  
"He's here, Ma'am!" a voice called out. Amanda recognized it as their overseer, Clemens. Amanda jumped up.  
  
"Best be careful, Amanda," John whispered to her. "Father's probably with William right now." Amanda nodded and walked behind John and her mother. Mary had stayed in the parlor, reading. Sure enough, William and Father were walking down the gravelly path. Amanda watched enviously as William kissed their mother, and shook John's hand. Then, he smiled at Amanda.  
  
"Hello, Amanda," he said. Amanda knew that her father was watching her and he simply would not allow Amanda to throw herself at him. Instead, she diverted her eyes to the ground and gave a low curtsy. William smiled in approval.  
  
"You've grown, Amanda," he said. "That tutor of yours has done a good job." Father nodded, as if he were the tutor.  
  
"She's grown to be a fine woman, hasn't she now?" he asked. Amanda winced inwardly. Woman? William nodded. Then, he turned toward his mother.  
  
"Why don't you all go on in? I'd like a private word with Amanda," he suggested. They all agreed and went on their way. Amanda made sure that nobody was in sight before she pitched herself onto William's chest. William hugged her as if he would never let go.  
  
"Oh, William!" she cried. "I thought you'd never get here!" William grinned and held her by her shoulders at an arm's length.  
  
"Oh, my. You have grown." Amanda laughed.  
  
"I'm fourteen," she boasted. William held out his arm. She took it and they walked around back of the house. Amanda was just telling William about her geography lessons when William stopped.  
  
"What is it?" she asked, looking around. She noticed that his eyes widened. "What are you seeing?" He quickly moved his eyes away and smiled.  
  
"I was just surprised," he explained. "At how much this place has changed." Amanda nodded, but didn't believe him for a bit. She had seen what he was staring at. Or maybe, who he was staring at. It was Cassandra Vance. It was her tutor.  
  
"Aren't they lovely?" Mary asked, gazing down at the adults as they swirled about the dance floor. Amanda leaned over the railing, trying to spot William.  
  
"There he is!" she practically yelled, pointing at William. He was dancing with Daniella Vanderbilt. He looked up and waved. Amanda saw him explain to his partner who she was. It was funny.  
  
"I wish I could dance!" Mary sighed, leaning over the railing as the two girls watched their friends and family dance to a gay waltz. Amanda thought that the men looked very stately and elegant in their swallowtails and greatcoats that swung open as they danced.  
  
"Here's your chance," Amanda hissed, watching John walk over to them. He politely asked Mary to dance and she left to go join the adults. Amanda watched her and didn't even notice the young man approach her.  
  
"Amanda?" he asked. Amanda looked around. It was Joseph.  
  
"Hello! Not dancing either? Want to join me?" she asked, gesturing toward the railing. Joseph nodded.  
  
"Sure." They stood there, side by side, occasionally pointing someone out. Amanda was pleased to see that William was dancing with Cassandra in the Virginia Reel.  
  
"Can you reel?" Joseph asked, turning to her. Amanda felt taken aback.  
  
"No," she admitted. "I've never had a heart for dancing, really. I don't pay attention."  
  
"That's a pity. I love to dance," Joseph said. Amanda grinned.  
  
"My teacher says that men who like to dance are elegant."  
  
"Do you think they are elegant?"  
  
"Yes," she replied. They didn't see John and Mary returning.  
  
"Flirting with my sister, I see!" John teased. Joseph blushed. Amanda was furious. How dared he!  
  
"John!" she said, in a warning voice. John grinned.  
  
"You'll have to answer to William before you take his special Amanda away," John added. Mary giggled. Amanda grew even angrier.  
  
"Shut up!" she ordered, stepping forward. John kept on talking.  
  
"She is William's favorite sister, his only sister. Just go talk to him, he'll test you and such," John kept going. Amanda couldn't stand it anymore. She grabbed his shirtsleeve and pushed him down. He landed right on his rear, looking up at the red faced Amanda, blinking.  
  
"I do not belong to William, and if Joseph had any intention of marrying me, he'd talk to me first!" she hissed. John nodded solemnly. Mary looked shocked. Joseph looked impressed, and Mum Tattie, who was coming down the hallway, looked angry. She grabbed Amanda's upper arm and guided her to her room. Once they were inside, Mum Tattie started her scolding.  
  
"Actin' like a field hand!" she scolded. "Actin' like white trash! My bones'll rust and I'll never see you wif any manners!" Amanda shrunk under her glare. Mum Tattie helped Amanda get off her lavender taffeta gown. Amanda pulled off her chemise and pantalets by herself. She pulled on the white nightdress that Mum Tattie gave her, and settled herself in her bed. Mum Tattie was about to leave when she turned around and said to Amanda,  
  
"An' I never wan' to see you wif that boy agin," she said. Amanda scowled into her pillow, but she nodded.  
  
"You behaved very badly, yesterday," Mr. Carrington said, looking down at Amanda, who looked down at her lap. She nodded, solemnly. There was a strange ringing in her ear. She knew that she was going to be bruised today. Mr. Carrington held a thick whip in his hand. Amanda thought desperately William! Where are you? She looked up and swallowed as her giant of a father came bearing up to her.  
  
Amanda stumbled out of her room, a big bruise across her cheek. No cosmetic could cover that mark. She had finished her crying in her bedroom, and now, it was time for supper. She smoothed out her dress, gingerly touched her cheek, and walked downstairs. Her father wasn't in the room. John looked up at her, his eyes on the bruise. His look softened and he smiled. Her mother looked frightened, and worried, but she managed a smile. Amanda settled herself into her seat and waited for her father. William strode in. "Father's going to be late, Mother," he said. "He wanted me to tell you that he has some business with Mr. Wilcher." He pulled off his cloak, and gave it to Mum Tattie, who took it away. He didn't see Amanda's bruise, because he could only see her right side, and the huge black mark was on her left cheek. William sat in his father's place. He said a quick prayer and they began to eat. William made quiet talk with his mother, and spoke softly to John. He didn't notice Amanda's bruise till he asked her how she liked the party.  
  
"Huh?" She looked up at him, her hand covering the mark on her cheek. William would fly into a rage if he saw it, she knew. William looked at her strangely.  
  
"What are you hiding behind that hand of yours, Sis?" he asked. Amanda shook her head.  
  
"Remove the hand," he ordered. Mother winced.  
  
"William," she began. He cut her off.  
  
"What has happened? Remove the hand, Amanda!" He stood up, walked in two strides to Amanda's chair, and snatched her hand away from her face. His eyes widened. Amanda still kept her composure, though it was very hard. John stood up, angrily.  
  
"This is what happens when you're not home! He beats her, you know! Or are you too engrossed in that Cassandra Vance to notice it? Your beloved sister is covered in bruises every other month! And you don't even care!" he yelled, and ran out. Mrs. Carrington got up, looking flustered, and went after him. William sighed.  
  
"Come," he said to Amanda. Amanda followed him to the family parlor. He bade her to sit down on the settee. She sat. He sat next to her, on her left side.  
  
"What happened, Amanda?" he asked. Amanda worked hard not to cry. Once, William had said that he hated it when girls cried for silly reasons. She supposed this was silly enough. She shrugged, still staring determinedly into her lap. William sighed.  
  
"It's okay to cry, sweetheart," he said, gently. That did it. Her tears spilled out, and onto her palms. John put his arm around her.  
  
"What happened?" Amanda looked up at him.  
  
"He hit me! With his fist! Oh-oh William! He does it every month! Just me! He only hits me! I h-hate him! I do!" she cried, burying her face in her hands. William kneeled in front of her. He gently removed her hands from her face, and looked her straight into the eyes.  
  
"Since when has he been doing this to you?" he asked. Amanda shrugged.  
  
"Ever since you left for college," she replied. His eyes were angry now.  
  
"I'll talk with him, Amanda. I love you, you know. You were always my favorite." He kissed her bruised cheek, and led her out.  
  
They had a blazing row in the parlor. Amanda could hear William shouting, only to be drowned out by his father's bellow. Amanda jumped at every sound. She could hear something of what William was saying. Once, he had yelled, "So this is how you take advantage of my being gone? Beat her? She is your daughter, man!" Father was yelling back.  
  
"It doesn't matter what she is of mine! She is a woman, and inferior! I cannot have her embarrassing me in front of my guests!" Amanda felt like marching in there and hitting them both. She sat there, wishing it would all end. Mother sat in her chair, wringing out her handkerchief. John paced the room. William burst out of the parlor, his face red.  
  
"Amanda," he hissed. "Pack your things! We're going!"  
  
"What?" Amanda said, dumbly. William looked at her.  
  
"You heard me, Amanda. We're going to Grandfather Jones's place! He certainly won't mind us coming!" William yelled slamming the parlor door shut behind him. Amanda looked at her mother. Sure enough, Mrs. Carrington had gotten up and was crossing the room to her oldest son.  
  
"Why are you leaving, darling?" Mrs. Carrington asked William, in a calm, soothing sort of voice. He turned to her, his eyes bright.  
  
"I'm sorry, Mama," he said. "But I cannot have my little sister being beaten by her own father. Grandfather Jones loves Amanda dearly. He'll treat her well, and, if we're lucky enough, he'll take her in, because that bastard in there is not able to care for a child properly." Amanda jumped up at this.  
  
"I don't want to live there! What about my horse?" she pouted. William looked from his mother to Amanda.  
  
"Your horse can come," he replied.  
  
"And what about Mum Tattie? I need her!" William scowled.  
  
"Grandfather will get you a maid."  
  
"But-" William shot her a dangerous look, and she quieted. John looked sorrowful. Amanda smiled at him. This would be for the better, she knew. No more bruises, no more fights, no more switch. But the best of all was that there was no more fear. 


End file.
